1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:04,380 Miss Fine, some mail came for you. 2 00:00:04,416 --> 00:00:06,116 A male? Well, who is he? 3 00:00:06,150 --> 00:00:08,270 What does he look like? Did you let him get away? 4 00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,220 Miss Fine, this kind of mail. 5 00:00:10,250 --> 00:00:12,270 Oh, well, I know him. 6 00:00:12,300 --> 00:00:13,480 Bill. 7 00:00:15,830 --> 00:00:17,470 Look at this, something from Danny. 8 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:21,120 Oh, my ex-fiancé's baby was born. 9 00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:24,120 -Oh. -Look at that head of hair. 10 00:00:25,116 --> 00:00:27,166 Oh, my God, it's not his head. 11 00:00:28,450 --> 00:00:31,420 Well, at least Danny can be sure it's his. 12 00:00:31,450 --> 00:00:34,450 Oh, Niles, you ever think about having a kid of your own, 13 00:00:34,483 --> 00:00:36,433 someone that you could take care of, 14 00:00:36,466 --> 00:00:38,176 put to bed at night, 15 00:00:38,216 --> 00:00:41,326 rub Vicks on his little chest when he's sick? 16 00:00:41,660 --> 00:00:42,430 I already have one. 17 00:00:44,183 --> 00:00:46,333 Isn't he adorable? 18 00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,430 [SIGHING] 19 00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:50,476 -Miss Fine, are you all right? -Oh, yeah. 20 00:00:51,160 --> 00:00:53,420 I just thought that by this age I'd have a child of my own. 21 00:00:53,450 --> 00:00:55,220 And maybe if I hadn't dumped Danny, 22 00:00:55,250 --> 00:00:58,150 this little Chia Pet could have been mine. 23 00:00:58,183 --> 00:01:01,153 Miss Fine, you still have plenty of time to have children. 24 00:01:01,183 --> 00:01:03,163 Meanwhile, there's an expiration date 25 00:01:03,500 --> 00:01:04,270 stamped on my eggs, 26 00:01:04,300 --> 00:01:07,350 "Best if used before you start looking like your mother." 27 00:01:07,383 --> 00:01:11,103 You know, he's really not so bad. 28 00:01:11,133 --> 00:01:14,663 A lot of women like hairy men. What's his name? 29 00:01:14,100 --> 00:01:15,370 Let me see. 30 00:01:15,400 --> 00:01:17,170 Uh-oh. Judy. 31 00:01:20,183 --> 00:01:22,223 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 32 00:01:22,250 --> 00:01:25,130 SINGER:♪♪ She was working in a bridal shop in Flushing, Queens ♪♪ 33 00:01:25,166 --> 00:01:26,366 ♪♪ 'Til her boyfriend kicked her out ♪♪ 34 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,170 ♪♪ In one of those crushing scenes ♪♪ 35 00:01:28,200 --> 00:01:30,150 ♪♪ What was she to do? Where was she to go? ♪♪ 36 00:01:30,183 --> 00:01:33,183 ♪♪ She was out on her fanny ♪♪ 37 00:01:33,216 --> 00:01:35,416 ♪♪ So over the bridge from Flushing to the Sheffields' door ♪♪ 38 00:01:35,450 --> 00:01:38,150 ♪♪ She was there to sell makeup, but the father saw more ♪♪ 39 00:01:38,183 --> 00:01:40,323 ♪♪ She had style! She had flair! She was there! ♪♪ 40 00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:44,830 ♪♪ That's how she became the nanny! ♪♪ 41 00:01:44,116 --> 00:01:47,216 ♪♪ Who would have guessed that the girl we've described 42 00:01:47,250 --> 00:01:49,370 ♪♪ Was just exactly what the doctor prescribed? ♪♪ 43 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:51,160 ♪♪ Now the father finds her beguiling ♪♪ 44 00:01:51,500 --> 00:01:52,280 ♪♪ Watch out, C.C.! ♪♪ 45 00:01:52,316 --> 00:01:53,376 ♪♪ And the kids are actually smiling ♪♪ 46 00:01:53,416 --> 00:01:55,176 ♪♪ Such♪♪ 47 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,376 ♪♪ She's the lady in red ♪♪ 48 00:01:56,416 --> 00:02:00,396 ♪♪ When everybody else is wearing tan ♪♪ 49 00:02:00,433 --> 00:02:03,003 ♪♪ The flashy girl from Flushing ♪♪ 50 00:02:03,330 --> 00:02:04,370 ♪♪ The nanny named Fran! ♪♪ 51 00:02:07,330 --> 00:02:09,120 Oh, Niles, look at this little grooming set 52 00:02:09,150 --> 00:02:11,350 that I put together for Danny's baby. 53 00:02:11,383 --> 00:02:15,503 It's got a little comb and a little brush and an Epilady junior. 54 00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:16,320 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 55 00:02:18,150 --> 00:02:21,200 Oh, I'm just so jealous. 56 00:02:21,233 --> 00:02:22,403 You know, Miss Fine, I can't see why 57 00:02:22,433 --> 00:02:25,273 this picture makes you yearn for a child. 58 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:28,200 I could see a Lhasa Apso. 59 00:02:28,233 --> 00:02:31,163 Oh, stop, stop. It's not nice. 60 00:02:32,216 --> 00:02:35,266 Miss Fine, I don't think I tell you often enough 61 00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:38,200 what a wonderful job you're doing. 62 00:02:38,233 --> 00:02:41,453 So, I've got a little gift certificate here from Saks. 63 00:02:41,483 --> 00:02:45,223 I want you to take the afternoon off and have a shopping spree. 64 00:02:45,250 --> 00:02:48,180 -Somebody famous coming over this afternoon? -Uh-huh. 65 00:02:48,216 --> 00:02:50,116 -Trying to get rid of me? -Desperately. 66 00:02:52,150 --> 00:02:56,120 Oh, are you still upset about that Charlton Heston thing? 67 00:02:56,150 --> 00:02:58,330 I mean, so I went for a lock of his hair. 68 00:02:58,660 --> 00:03:00,400 How was I to know the whole thing would come off? 69 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:04,466 Please, Miss Fine. 70 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:07,250 It doesn't matter. I'm very busy today. 71 00:03:07,283 --> 00:03:09,353 I have to go buy my mother a birthday present, 72 00:03:09,383 --> 00:03:12,373 take Brighton to the orthodontist, get tights for Gracie, 73 00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:15,370 -visit Grandma Yetta at the home. -Good. 74 00:03:17,660 --> 00:03:18,250 [DOORBELL RINGS] 75 00:03:18,283 --> 00:03:22,173 All of which I can do after I meet the famous person. 76 00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:27,170 [FRAN GASPS] 77 00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:34,200 Oh, my God! 78 00:03:34,233 --> 00:03:36,373 It's Monica Baker, the movie star. 79 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,250 I just love you. 80 00:03:38,283 --> 00:03:42,503 Well, then we have a lot in common. 81 00:03:45,150 --> 00:03:47,300 I have followed your entire career. 82 00:03:47,333 --> 00:03:49,323 Your affair with the Baldwin brothers, 83 00:03:49,350 --> 00:03:50,420 the Bridges, 84 00:03:50,450 --> 00:03:53,170 and oh, I almost left out the Sheen brothers. 85 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,100 I wish I had. 86 00:03:56,350 --> 00:03:59,180 Fran, I'm asking Alison to the Thanksgiving Day parade. 87 00:03:59,216 --> 00:04:02,656 Does "Eat dirt and die" mean no? 88 00:04:02,100 --> 00:04:04,660 Oh, give me the phone. 89 00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:05,380 Hi, Alison. 90 00:04:05,416 --> 00:04:08,176 Yeah, I hear you're going to the parade with Brad Pitt. 91 00:04:08,216 --> 00:04:09,346 No? 92 00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:12,133 Well, how about Johnny Depp? No? 93 00:04:12,166 --> 00:04:16,446 Well, honey, aren't you just being a little too cocky? 94 00:04:16,483 --> 00:04:18,663 Uh-huh. 95 00:04:18,100 --> 00:04:20,830 She's desperate. She'll go out with anyone. 96 00:04:21,433 --> 00:04:24,123 -I love you. -I love you more. 97 00:04:26,333 --> 00:04:30,133 Did I mention that I'm a famous movie star 98 00:04:30,166 --> 00:04:32,826 just standing here like a lump? 99 00:04:32,116 --> 00:04:36,176 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Come this way. 100 00:04:36,216 --> 00:04:37,276 Cute son. 101 00:04:37,316 --> 00:04:39,996 Oh, he's not my kid. I'm the nanny. 102 00:04:40,330 --> 00:04:41,380 If he were my son, he'd have big hair 103 00:04:41,416 --> 00:04:45,146 and be a lifetime member of Weight Watchers. 104 00:04:45,183 --> 00:04:48,203 I just left my baby, Zack, with his nanny. 105 00:04:48,233 --> 00:04:52,663 Oh, everybody has a baby. 106 00:04:52,100 --> 00:04:55,400 Look, my ex-boyfriend Danny and his wife just had one. 107 00:04:55,433 --> 00:04:57,663 She's not breastfeeding, though. 108 00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:59,300 The kid's on a low-silicone diet. 109 00:05:01,233 --> 00:05:05,183 Oh, isn't it dangerous to have that puppy right on top of the baby? 110 00:05:05,216 --> 00:05:07,276 [MONICA GASPS] 111 00:05:07,316 --> 00:05:10,096 I know. As much as I wanna have a kid, 112 00:05:10,133 --> 00:05:11,233 something tells me I was better off 113 00:05:11,266 --> 00:05:13,346 not dipping into that gene pool. 114 00:05:13,383 --> 00:05:16,373 -I went to a sperm bank. -Wow! 115 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:20,000 Husbands just get in the way of dating, big time. 116 00:05:20,330 --> 00:05:23,160 Oh. No. 117 00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:24,450 I don't feel that way. 118 00:05:24,483 --> 00:05:28,333 I want to marry a guy, get pregnant, 119 00:05:28,660 --> 00:05:30,660 and have someone to blame for making me 120 00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,830 swell and vomit for nine months. 121 00:05:32,116 --> 00:05:33,346 Well, I thought so, too, 122 00:05:33,383 --> 00:05:36,223 but I decided that I wanted to have a baby 123 00:05:36,250 --> 00:05:38,230 before I started looking like my mother. 124 00:05:40,166 --> 00:05:43,826 Uh, about this sperm bank, do they have an express line? 125 00:05:43,116 --> 00:05:45,296 Well, it's really quite simple. 126 00:05:45,333 --> 00:05:48,423 For a donor, I chose a rugged outdoorsman 127 00:05:48,450 --> 00:05:52,230 with a passion for dirt biking and fixing cars. 128 00:05:52,266 --> 00:05:54,476 Oh, do they have any Jewish guys? 129 00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:04,330 Fran, are you sure this is how the pilgrims dressed? 130 00:06:04,366 --> 00:06:06,146 Oh, honey, 131 00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:12,370 I didn't get enough material. 132 00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:16,470 So, they'll call her the Mayflower Madam. 133 00:06:18,133 --> 00:06:20,173 Look at you, sewing kids' costumes. 134 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,160 Oh, you're gonna make such a good mother. 135 00:06:23,500 --> 00:06:24,370 Oh, thank you. 136 00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:27,150 What do you think, baby? Am I gonna be a good mommy? 137 00:06:27,183 --> 00:06:29,833 Sure. It's easy. 138 00:06:29,116 --> 00:06:31,426 "Darling, my happiness isn't important, 139 00:06:31,466 --> 00:06:33,316 but would it kill you to give me 140 00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:36,830 one grandchild before I die?" 141 00:06:37,266 --> 00:06:41,276 "Morty, put the seat down! I almost fell in!" 142 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:46,370 Oh, my God. 143 00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,120 That's the last time I let Ma baby-sit for her. 144 00:06:52,466 --> 00:06:54,146 Fran, you know that I will support 145 00:06:54,183 --> 00:06:55,373 whatever you decide, 146 00:06:55,400 --> 00:06:58,170 but don't you think people would be a little shocked 147 00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,330 if you just showed up pregnant? 148 00:06:59,366 --> 00:07:02,396 Yeah. They'd think I had a date. 149 00:07:02,433 --> 00:07:04,123 You know, Val, to tell you the truth, 150 00:07:04,150 --> 00:07:06,200 I don't really care what people think anymore. 151 00:07:06,233 --> 00:07:08,173 I mean, I know that I want to have a kid, 152 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,230 and I don't know if I'm ever gonna meet Mr. Right. 153 00:07:10,266 --> 00:07:12,476 Yeah, but artificial insemination? 154 00:07:13,160 --> 00:07:16,480 Well, that's how I got here, 'cause I know my parents have never... 155 00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:22,270 Look, I can't tell you what to do. Your body's your own. 156 00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:25,320 You got that right. 'Cause if anybody else was using it, 157 00:07:25,350 --> 00:07:28,170 I wouldn't have to order take-out. 158 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,130 -What do you think, Niles? -Hmm? 159 00:07:30,166 --> 00:07:31,476 Should I have a baby? 160 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:33,400 Miss Fine, pregnant. 161 00:07:33,433 --> 00:07:36,223 I'm not sure the world is ready for you in a muumuu. 162 00:07:36,250 --> 00:07:39,830 Oh, hey, this mama ain't wearing no muumuu. 163 00:07:39,116 --> 00:07:41,116 When that kid is born, you're gonna be able to read 164 00:07:41,150 --> 00:07:43,450 "Donna Karan Control Top" across his little forehead. 165 00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:47,120 You know, Fran, this isn't gonna be easy. 166 00:07:47,150 --> 00:07:50,470 There's gonna be a lot of pain and suffering and possible embarrassment. 167 00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:53,100 Oh, you guys going to another singles bar? 168 00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:54,353 -No! -No! 169 00:07:56,333 --> 00:07:58,123 I'm talking about the delivery. 170 00:07:58,150 --> 00:07:59,420 I mean, how do they manage to yank 171 00:07:59,450 --> 00:08:02,330 a whole little human being out of you? 172 00:08:02,660 --> 00:08:03,380 [GRUNTING] 173 00:08:11,316 --> 00:08:14,126 Well, it doesn't have to be so bad. 174 00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:17,996 -I mean, if you get somebody that's gentle and sensitive. -Yeah. 175 00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:20,200 Oh, come on, get out of there. Just get... 176 00:08:34,366 --> 00:08:37,246 This is such a weird location for a sperm bank, 177 00:08:37,283 --> 00:08:39,223 right in the middle of a shopping mall? 178 00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:43,450 Oh, well, it used to be a, uh, Siemen's Furniture Showroom. 179 00:08:45,450 --> 00:08:48,200 So they only had to change half the sign. 180 00:08:50,183 --> 00:08:51,323 If you'd like to see profiles 181 00:08:51,350 --> 00:08:53,170 of the gentlemen who've contributed, 182 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,420 here's our donor menu. 183 00:08:56,150 --> 00:08:58,370 -[GASPING] -Oh, look at the selection. 184 00:08:58,400 --> 00:09:00,250 Wow! 185 00:09:00,283 --> 00:09:02,253 Boy, is everyone in the menu, 186 00:09:02,283 --> 00:09:04,203 or do you have, like, a catch of the day? 187 00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:08,353 Look at Number 64. 188 00:09:08,383 --> 00:09:10,223 But he's got a weight problem, 189 00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,270 gastrointestin al abnormalities, 190 00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:15,170 and a mother who's certifiably insane. 191 00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:17,480 Right. Well, I want him to fit in the family. 192 00:09:19,660 --> 00:09:21,180 Do you see anything you like? 193 00:09:21,216 --> 00:09:24,496 Hmm. Number 41 looks okay. 194 00:09:24,830 --> 00:09:25,450 But, you know, I really need another second. 195 00:09:25,483 --> 00:09:27,273 I mean, it takes me a half an hour 196 00:09:27,300 --> 00:09:29,400 just to order from the Der Wienerschnitzel. 197 00:09:31,330 --> 00:09:33,280 No pun intended! 198 00:09:38,330 --> 00:09:40,160 Maybe you'd like to take this home? 199 00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:42,380 You know, you're right. It's a big decision. 200 00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,116 Come on, Val. 201 00:09:44,150 --> 00:09:47,330 We'll go to Hickory Farms next door and fill up on samples. 202 00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:54,096 [FRAN SCREAMING] Oh, I'm so sorry! 203 00:09:54,133 --> 00:09:58,103 Oh, Val, are you as embarrassed as I... Val? 204 00:10:04,266 --> 00:10:05,466 I just can't understand 205 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,370 why we're not as productive as we were last year. 206 00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,230 Profits are down, ticket sales are down. 207 00:10:11,266 --> 00:10:13,426 But some figures are increasing. 208 00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:20,180 Listen, Hazel... 209 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,400 oh, don't you have something to dust off? 210 00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,420 How about the left side of your bed? 211 00:10:40,116 --> 00:10:42,376 I'll tell you why we're not as productive. 212 00:10:42,416 --> 00:10:46,096 Because the two of you never shut up. 213 00:10:46,133 --> 00:10:49,353 -You don't have to get nasty about it. -Well, excuse me for living. 214 00:10:49,383 --> 00:10:51,333 Hi. 215 00:10:51,660 --> 00:10:53,220 Knock. Knock. Mr. Sheffield, can I talk to you a minute? 216 00:10:53,250 --> 00:10:55,660 Actually, I don't have the time. 217 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:57,380 I've always thought of you as more than just an employer... 218 00:10:57,416 --> 00:10:59,126 Miss Fine, I'm working. 219 00:10:59,166 --> 00:11:01,826 -You know, we're kind of like friends. -Very busy. 220 00:11:01,116 --> 00:11:03,326 Oh, why don't I just cut to the chase? 221 00:11:03,660 --> 00:11:04,330 What would you say if I told you 222 00:11:04,366 --> 00:11:06,316 I wanted to have a baby? 223 00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:12,000 Niles, hold my calls. 224 00:11:14,166 --> 00:11:15,376 NILES:Why? 225 00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:19,130 Mind your own bloody business. It's private. 226 00:11:19,166 --> 00:11:21,276 NILES:Sorry, sir. 227 00:11:21,316 --> 00:11:23,496 So, go on, Miss Fine. 228 00:11:23,830 --> 00:11:26,330 NILES:Now, we can hear them, but they can't hear us. 229 00:11:29,300 --> 00:11:31,170 Oh, maybe it's this one. 230 00:11:31,200 --> 00:11:34,130 C.C.:No, no, no. It's that one, you jackass. 231 00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:37,180 It's the red one. 232 00:11:39,216 --> 00:11:41,116 All right. So, why do you suddenly 233 00:11:41,150 --> 00:11:42,220 want to have a baby? 234 00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:44,660 I mean, where did this come from? 235 00:11:44,100 --> 00:11:46,200 Oh, I've been thinking about this ever since 236 00:11:46,233 --> 00:11:48,433 Samantha had Tabitha onBewitched. 237 00:11:50,433 --> 00:11:53,483 You know, I don't know why Darrin never let her use her powers. 238 00:11:54,160 --> 00:11:57,130 What? It was better sucking up to Larry Tate for a raise? 239 00:11:58,383 --> 00:12:01,153 I was always with Endora on that one. 240 00:12:01,183 --> 00:12:05,273 Miss Fine, how are you gonna have a baby without a man? 241 00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:07,130 Mr. Sheffield, it's the '90s. 242 00:12:07,166 --> 00:12:11,426 If they can grow a human ear on the back of a mouse, I can have a baby. 243 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:16,330 All I need is a donor. 244 00:12:16,366 --> 00:12:18,116 A...a donor? 245 00:12:18,150 --> 00:12:21,330 You mean, someone that's just gonna give you... 246 00:12:21,660 --> 00:12:23,160 The fruit of his looms. 247 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:28,220 Well, who exactly do you have in mind? 248 00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:31,230 Oh, I've picked the perfect guy. 249 00:12:31,266 --> 00:12:35,196 41. Tall, dark, handsome, creative, 250 00:12:35,233 --> 00:12:37,403 with a big head of hair. 251 00:12:37,433 --> 00:12:39,353 So, what do you think? 252 00:12:43,116 --> 00:12:46,826 Oh, well, uh, this is... 253 00:12:46,116 --> 00:12:47,366 this is a big decision. 254 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:51,230 I'm, uh, gonna have to give this some thought. 255 00:12:51,266 --> 00:12:54,656 Well, I'm glad that you're taking it seriously 256 00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:55,150 because, you know, 257 00:12:55,183 --> 00:12:58,663 I really value your input. 258 00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:08,133 Oh, my God! What am I gonna do? 259 00:13:10,416 --> 00:13:12,416 What do you think, Niles? 260 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,370 Couldn't hear you, sir. Leaf blowing. 261 00:13:24,483 --> 00:13:27,253 Perhaps it'd work better if you switched it on. 262 00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:29,483 [WHIRRING] 263 00:13:41,250 --> 00:13:42,370 MAXWELL: Niles. 264 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,170 Help me. 265 00:13:58,233 --> 00:14:01,163 Oh, darn it, man, just get in here. 266 00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,100 Don't do that, sir. 267 00:14:04,133 --> 00:14:07,333 Don't we have enough scary things roaming around in the corridors? 268 00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,153 Look, it seems Miss Fine is determined 269 00:14:12,183 --> 00:14:14,133 to go through with this baby thing. 270 00:14:14,166 --> 00:14:18,656 I'm afraid she's gonna ask me to, uh, assist. 271 00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:20,830 Well, what makes you so sure she wants you? 272 00:14:20,116 --> 00:14:23,326 Oh, come on, man, she practically spelled it out. 273 00:14:23,660 --> 00:14:26,120 She wants someone tall, handsome, creative. 274 00:14:26,150 --> 00:14:28,130 Did she also mention cocky, vain, 275 00:14:28,166 --> 00:14:31,366 couldn't get the laundry in the hamper if his life depended on it? 276 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,370 -No. -Then what are you worried about? 277 00:14:36,283 --> 00:14:38,323 I'm telling you, she wants me. 278 00:14:39,383 --> 00:14:42,833 She wants me real bad. 279 00:14:44,330 --> 00:14:46,150 Niles, I'm gonna need your help in this. 280 00:14:46,183 --> 00:14:48,473 All right. But there better be a damn big Christmas bonus 281 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,370 in my stocking. 282 00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:54,000 All right. Now, let's not panic. 283 00:14:54,330 --> 00:14:56,160 All she needs is someone to sit her down 284 00:14:56,500 --> 00:14:59,200 and talk to her calmly and rationally. 285 00:14:59,233 --> 00:15:01,333 I'll kill her. 286 00:15:03,830 --> 00:15:05,430 How could my own daughter not tell me 287 00:15:05,466 --> 00:15:09,446 that I am gonna be an illegitimate grandmother? 288 00:15:09,483 --> 00:15:12,473 [SOBBING] 289 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,300 I know. I know. 290 00:15:15,333 --> 00:15:17,133 Can I get you anything? 291 00:15:17,166 --> 00:15:19,496 No. Nothing. Nothing. 292 00:15:20,183 --> 00:15:21,383 Maybe lunch. 293 00:15:26,333 --> 00:15:27,483 No fish! 294 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:32,270 Sylvia, I--I didn't mean to alarm you. 295 00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:34,380 I just thought you should know. 296 00:15:34,416 --> 00:15:37,476 The girl is a nut. She's totally lost her mind. 297 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:40,320 Who did she pick to father this kid? 298 00:15:40,350 --> 00:15:42,470 I believe it's me. 299 00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:44,230 You could do a lot worse. 300 00:15:48,133 --> 00:15:50,473 Ma? What are you doing here? 301 00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:54,250 Oh, I was just in the neighborhood catching up on the news, 302 00:15:54,283 --> 00:15:57,423 like my unmarried daughter's gonna have a baby. 303 00:15:57,450 --> 00:16:00,120 Ma, I can't plan my life around a husband. 304 00:16:00,150 --> 00:16:01,450 It may never happen. 305 00:16:01,483 --> 00:16:04,273 Well, I'm dead now. Do what you want. 306 00:16:06,830 --> 00:16:07,430 Sylvia. 307 00:16:07,466 --> 00:16:12,326 Do you know what it's like for a child to grow up without a father? 308 00:16:12,660 --> 00:16:13,370 Yeah, Ma. I haven't seen Daddy 309 00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:16,320 since Flushing got wired for cable. 310 00:16:16,350 --> 00:16:19,160 He loves the Spice Channel. 311 00:16:19,500 --> 00:16:22,420 And I'll tell you, he has learnt a few things. 312 00:16:24,266 --> 00:16:25,366 -Sylvia. -Ma. 313 00:16:25,400 --> 00:16:27,430 Oh, fine, have a baby. 314 00:16:27,466 --> 00:16:30,446 Do you know how long it takes to get your figure back? 315 00:16:33,133 --> 00:16:35,323 I don't know, Ma. 32 years? 316 00:16:36,483 --> 00:16:38,353 [DOORBELL RINGS] 317 00:16:38,383 --> 00:16:42,133 Darling, you don't know what it's like to take care of a little one. 318 00:16:42,166 --> 00:16:44,246 You are used to three grown kids 319 00:16:44,283 --> 00:16:46,483 who don't even need you anymore. 320 00:16:47,160 --> 00:16:48,470 Ma, lay off. Get it? 321 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,400 As in lay off the unneeded nanny. 322 00:16:53,383 --> 00:16:56,333 They would be lost without her. 323 00:16:58,330 --> 00:17:02,400 SYLVIA: [GASPS] Oh, my God. It's Monica Baker. 324 00:17:02,433 --> 00:17:06,503 I can't tell you how many people meet me on the street 325 00:17:06,830 --> 00:17:08,470 and swear that I am you. 326 00:17:11,483 --> 00:17:14,403 Ma, that's Tammy Faye Bakker. 327 00:17:15,483 --> 00:17:18,183 Sit down. Sit down. 328 00:17:25,416 --> 00:17:29,216 Monica, we're having brunch with the Schuberts. 329 00:17:29,250 --> 00:17:30,450 Why do you have your child with you? 330 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,233 My nanny is sick. 331 00:17:32,266 --> 00:17:34,426 And I couldn't just leave him. 332 00:17:34,466 --> 00:17:36,266 My poor little baby. 333 00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,430 -Well, if you want, I'd be happy to... -Okay. 334 00:17:41,333 --> 00:17:42,373 Hi. 335 00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,200 Mommy loves you. 336 00:17:44,233 --> 00:17:46,283 But the public loves Mommy. 337 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:50,163 So she has to go. 338 00:17:51,333 --> 00:17:53,383 Hi, sweetie. 339 00:17:53,416 --> 00:17:57,156 Oh, are we gonna have a ball. 340 00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:58,180 Of course, some people here 341 00:17:58,216 --> 00:18:00,426 don't think that I can take care of a little kid. 342 00:18:00,466 --> 00:18:02,266 You like SpaghettiOs? 343 00:18:10,266 --> 00:18:12,276 You know what? I'm full. 344 00:18:19,133 --> 00:18:22,833 Here you go. Don't drink and drive, honey. 345 00:18:24,366 --> 00:18:25,376 [TV PLAYING] 346 00:18:25,416 --> 00:18:27,466 [SIGHING] 347 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,100 ["FLINSTONES" THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 348 00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:30,383 [♪♪♪] 349 00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:33,450 [TIRES SCREECHING] 350 00:18:48,183 --> 00:18:50,273 [SCREECHING] 351 00:18:52,660 --> 00:18:54,380 Cootchie-cootchie-coo. 352 00:18:54,416 --> 00:18:57,316 [SCREAMING] 353 00:19:02,660 --> 00:19:05,100 -[SCREAMING] -♪♪ Rock-a-bye baby ♪♪ 354 00:19:05,133 --> 00:19:08,203 ♪♪ On the treetop ♪♪ 355 00:19:08,233 --> 00:19:10,423 ♪♪ When the wind blows ♪♪ 356 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:14,350 ♪♪ The cradle will rock ♪♪ 357 00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:24,096 -♪♪ When the bough breaks ♪♪ -[SCREAMING] 358 00:19:24,133 --> 00:19:27,453 ♪♪ The cradle will fall ♪♪ 359 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,830 [FAST] ♪♪ And down will come baby cradle and... ♪♪ 360 00:19:36,166 --> 00:19:38,146 ..all. [SCREAMS] 361 00:19:40,660 --> 00:19:43,400 Oh, I guess you just want to sleep, huh? 362 00:19:43,433 --> 00:19:46,153 All right. Good night, little fellow. 363 00:19:46,183 --> 00:19:48,173 Ohhhh. 364 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,830 You don't want me to go? 365 00:19:50,116 --> 00:19:53,196 Well, I can sit here and cuddle with you. 366 00:19:53,233 --> 00:19:54,483 Okay. 367 00:19:55,160 --> 00:19:56,250 [SHUSHING] 368 00:19:56,283 --> 00:19:58,173 Let's go to sleep. 369 00:19:59,283 --> 00:20:01,133 ♪♪ Lullaby ♪♪ 370 00:20:01,166 --> 00:20:03,316 [SCREAMING] 371 00:20:03,350 --> 00:20:04,430 Sorry. 372 00:20:05,416 --> 00:20:08,826 [♪♪♪] 373 00:20:08,116 --> 00:20:10,316 -Here you go. -Thanks again, Fran. 374 00:20:10,350 --> 00:20:12,150 I hope he wasn't too much trouble. 375 00:20:12,183 --> 00:20:15,403 Oh, no, not at all. 376 00:20:15,433 --> 00:20:18,503 -Bye, Zacky. -Bye. 377 00:20:18,830 --> 00:20:20,220 Bye-bye. 378 00:20:20,250 --> 00:20:22,270 Oh, isn't he cute? 379 00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:24,200 You should have seen him driving around 380 00:20:24,233 --> 00:20:26,333 in his little car all over the house. 381 00:20:26,366 --> 00:20:28,276 Oh, by the way, you know that ceramic vase 382 00:20:28,316 --> 00:20:29,266 that's in the hallway? 383 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:31,150 Oh, you mean the Picasso. 384 00:20:31,183 --> 00:20:34,383 Oh, isn't he cute? 385 00:20:36,330 --> 00:20:38,330 You know, you look good with a baby, Miss Fine. 386 00:20:38,366 --> 00:20:40,326 Oh, thanks. 387 00:20:40,660 --> 00:20:42,150 Well, you should hire me as your nanny. 388 00:20:42,183 --> 00:20:45,203 Pay me 500 bucks a week, and I'll quit my old job. 389 00:20:45,233 --> 00:20:47,473 I'll tell you, this was the greatest day of my life. 390 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:50,270 Do you know that I taught him a new word? 391 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:54,150 Entenmann's. 392 00:20:54,183 --> 00:20:58,183 So I suppose your mind is made up about having a child? 393 00:20:58,216 --> 00:21:00,826 Absolutely. 394 00:21:00,116 --> 00:21:03,146 Yeah, I'm definitely not gonna have one right now. 395 00:21:03,183 --> 00:21:04,323 What? 396 00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:07,400 Yeah. You know, when I put little Zacky to sleep, 397 00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:12,153 and he was lying there looking so precious, 398 00:21:12,183 --> 00:21:17,123 I looked around, and there was no one to share it with. 399 00:21:17,150 --> 00:21:19,000 I know what you mean, Miss Fine. 400 00:21:19,330 --> 00:21:20,320 Ohh. 401 00:21:20,350 --> 00:21:24,830 Well, I'll tell you, I admire women that do it on their own 402 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:28,116 but at the end of the day, I want his daddy to come home 403 00:21:28,150 --> 00:21:31,150 so I can put the baby in his arms and say, 404 00:21:31,183 --> 00:21:34,333 "Here, your turn. I'm playing Mahjong." 405 00:21:35,300 --> 00:21:37,470 Well, I must say I am relieved. 406 00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:39,470 Why? What have you got to do with it? 407 00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:41,420 Well, I, uh, you know... 408 00:21:41,450 --> 00:21:43,270 you were gonna ask me to... 409 00:21:44,383 --> 00:21:47,503 Wait a minute. 410 00:21:47,830 --> 00:21:50,350 Do you think that I was gonna ask you to be the father? 411 00:21:53,250 --> 00:21:56,120 I most certainly did not. 412 00:21:57,183 --> 00:21:59,373 And you could do worse. 413 00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:02,280 Oh, Mr. Sheffield, 414 00:22:02,316 --> 00:22:05,326 are your feelings hurt that I wasn't gonna ask you? 415 00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:07,423 No. 416 00:22:09,416 --> 00:22:12,476 Come on, you're my boss. I'm your nanny. 417 00:22:13,160 --> 00:22:15,330 What were you gonna do? Pay me to take care of our kid? 418 00:22:15,366 --> 00:22:17,276 Wait a minute. This could work out. 419 00:22:19,450 --> 00:22:21,470 No, no. It would be too weird. 420 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:24,350 You know, if you want to have a baby with me, Maxwell Sheffield, 421 00:22:24,383 --> 00:22:27,153 you're just gonna have to do it the old-fashioned way. 422 00:22:27,183 --> 00:22:28,323 Marry you? 423 00:22:28,350 --> 00:22:30,220 Yeah, that, too. 424 00:22:30,250 --> 00:22:33,320 [♪♪♪] 425 00:22:42,133 --> 00:22:45,183 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING]